Issei Owns Trump!
by the Composcreator
Summary: Semi-Cannon to my main fic Wizard DxD. Won't really affect the events of the main fic. After the debate on Septembeer 26, Issei decided to remind a certain American just what he could do.
1. Issei's Got Trump Owned!

**With the first 2016 debate between Trump and Clinton, I decided to do an omake. I was originally going to slip this in during later chapters as a joke. But best to strike while the iron is hot.**

 **This takes place after Raiser gets his ass whooped. I made sure to not include anything that would give things away.**

 **I apologize in advance for all the jokes**

 **I do not own the Kamen Rider franchise or High School DXD.**

 **Things such as chants and data on the magic rings were obtained through Kamen Rider wiki, High school DXD wiki, and English translations of High School DxD volumes 1-20. I do however claim ownership to original spell and transformation rings as well as original techniques.**

 **Ignore the timeline. I honestly have no idea what year I should place the events of the series in anyway.**

 **Also, this is cannon to my story. No questions asked.**

"Talking"

'Thinking'

 **Sacred Gear and WizarDriver/Handauthor sounds**

[Ddraig talking]

 **Who's really going to control America?**

It had been almost a month since Rias escaped being engaged to the atrocious pile of shit known as Riser Phenex. After much argument (by that I mean lots of arguing) between Rias and Issei, she had moved into the Hyoudou household. Of course she had to pay rent. She protested that she was the only one paying rent. Issei pointed out that Raynare and Kalawarner were his familiars and as such could be considered as his property so they did not need to pay rent. As for Asia, since Rias had made her move in she did not need to pay. But since Rias chose to live in his house when she could have her pick of any other place, she might as well pay rent.

Why does this matter now? Well the Old School Building was undergoing renovations so Rias asked Issei to allow the club to use his house to hold their meeting. After some negotiation he agreed. Which brings us to this lovely afternoon. Akeno brought her own tea, and Issei brought donuts. He even bought Red Velvet Donuts for Koneko, but only after the Freshman gave him the money for those in advance. Raynare and Kalawarner were there watching TV while the devils did their business. Also Sona, Tsubaki, and the rest of the Student Council was there for reasons Issei did not care.

Rias had just gone over the contract count for the last month. Asia had done surprisingly well for a newcomer and everyone else pretty much standard. Only Issei was lacking as he averaged 3 contracts a week. While Saji laughed and tried to boast about doing better than the rider, Issei did not give a fuck. Rias was in the middle of telling Issei to try harder and take his duty as a devil more seriously with Sona nodding in agreement when Raynare and Kalawarner started laughing.

When the students looked to the Fallen Angels, they merely pointed to the TV screen. It was on the News channel covering International events. Today's topic, the latest American reality TV series sweeping the nation and gathering attention everywhere known as the 2016 election. In their recent episode Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Hillary Clinton went head to head in their first debate and boy were insults and jabs flying. They made professional boxing matches look like a game of skipping stones with all the attacks being thrown left and right mixed in with feints provoking the opposition and….and I think I lost the metaphor there.

"Well," Kiba chuckled. "That's still going on. Can't believe I forgot about it."

"This is proving to be entertaining." Sona said to Rias as the newscasters began talking specifically about the sections where Japan was mentioned and how the nation would be affected with either nominee becoming president. "I bet the devils there are having a field day with their contracts." Fun fact, America was a hotspot for High class devils who wanted an easy time getting hundreds of contracts in a short amount of time. It was often reincarnated devils who had recently been promoted and received their Evil Pieces that could be found there, though there were plenty of noble birth who preferred the easy lazy life. Each state was said to have at least 3 high class devils holding territory there.

"But they would also be having lots of trouble I expect." Rias countered with amusement in her voice. "They must be receiving more requests than they can handle with many of them opposing others resulting in conflict within and between peerages. What do you think Issei?" She turned to her Pawn curious as to his opinion since he actually travelled across America and supposedly did business there. She was surprised to see him scrolling through his phone looking for a number.

"Raynare." He said to his first familiar, getting everyone's attention. "Remember the box with all the stuff from America? Grab the one that reads 'America stuff-2' right next to it." The smitten Fallen Angel had a brief look of confusion before her face lit up in realization and practically jumped up the stairs. "Make sure you don't grab the one with my parents' stuff!" he called up to her before she was out of sight. That was when he found the number he was looking for and dialed it with a smirk on his face. The volume was loud enough for everyone (except for Asia) in the room to hear the dial tone, informing them that he was making an international call. It rang for a couple of minutes, long enough for Raynare to come back down with a large cardboard box with the label Issei had asked for. She placed it on the living room table and opened it up allowing everyone to see the contents. Imagine their surprise to see piles of manila envelopes with different names on them, with some names being on more than one envelope. Just as Issei reached in and pulled out a stack of almost 10 stuffed envelopes, the call was picked up.

"What do you want, you damn Jap!" spoke an American voice, one that was very familiar and surprised everyone in the room.

"Hello to you too Donald Trump." Issei said with a grin. He ignored the shocked expressions his classmates were giving him as he continued to speak. "And a good afternoon to you."

"It's 3 in the morning dumbass." Was the curt response the wealthy business man gave, making Sona cringe. While what he said was true, there was no need for that tone or the insult.

"And yet you're still up tweeting about Clinton and the debate." Issei shot back calmly as he reclined on his couch, his back to the other devils.

"So what! I'm Donald Trump. I can do this kind of shit! That doesn't mean you can call me and interrupt me when I'm busy with vital tweets that need to be posted!" Sweat drops fell as one of the richest men America went off about how tweeting was important.

"In that case, you should probably tweet how you bought a lot of porn from me a few months ago." Only the Fallen were unaffected by this statement. Everyone else was left speechless. "And it wasn't anything softcore either. You and your friends bought a lot of my darker stuff. Rape, gangbang, mind control, mind break, humiliation, male-dom, the list goes on and on. You pretty much bought all the dark material I had from both AV and Hentai."

"If that hadn't happened," Issei went on, his grin growing as he crossed his legs, "I would never have gotten leverage over your lawyers and other associates who know your dirty secrets." Issei now had one arm stretched out along the top of the couch giving him the image of a villain making a threatening phone call like you see in anime. Fitting. "From there I learned all sorts of dirty secrets." Here he held up a large folder with 1995 written on it. "Like a copy of your Tax Returns. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, of all the legal stuff that is." He had a grin so wide the Joker would have given it an 8 out of 10.

"With that said I just wanted to remind you of these facts." Issei said calmly as he at a donut. "I mean, you wouldn't want me to release these. Even if you do become president, one wrong move and these go public. Then an investigation will be launched and before you know it you've been impeached." Rias and Sona had a mixture of feelings here. While they were scared, shocked, and amazed at what Issei had done, they felt he might be pushing things.

"Listen here you snot nosed punk!" Trump began. "As soon as this election is over I'm going to find you and destroy you!" Issei simply sipped his tea as Trump continued to rant, only barely listening. "When I'm done with you everyone will know your dad was a drug addict and your mom a whore!"

Big mistake Trump. The moment he spoke those words the look in Issei's eyes changed from one of mischievous amusement to pissed of dragon. The other devils swore they could hear a growl come from his left arm.

"I'd like to see you try." Though there was no malice in Issei's voice, the way he spoke every world with crystal clear clarity made it obvious just how pissed he was. Apparently not obvious enough for mister crazy.

"Did not hear me or are you just too stupid to not understand! It's not a matter of try! I fucking will do it!"

"So you believe the proper way to respond to veiled blackmail is to threaten someone." Issei stated. "Ignoring the fact that I hold lots of information that could hurt you, I don't think I've done anything wrong besides doing some extra snooping and digging this stuff up. I didn't even ask for any extra money beyond what you paid for my old stuff. Hell, I could have charged you extra for that but I didn't. I even turned down your attempts to buy off everything I collected with 3 million dollars." Now everyone's mouths had definitely hit the floor. 3 million dollars was over 300 million yen! And Issei turned that down!

"You're a fucking idiot for not taking the money!"

"I think I'm smart for not accepting a bribe." Issei shot back.

"Fuck you!"

"I think we're done here." Issei said pulling the phone away from his ear.

"Don't you dare!"

"Bye bye Donald Duck."

"It's Donald Trump you…" The orange man never finished his words as Issei hit the end button. The other devils were amazed at this, but then the realized Issei was not done yet.

"And…" he was hitting buttons on his phone. "There we go. Another recorded phone call saved to the cloud." They nearly fell out of their chairs. He was still collecting ammunition! What the hell!

"Now." The Ringed Rider growled. "I think my Duck needs a more permanent reminder of what I can do." With that he took a piece of paper and wrote some names and numbers before handing it as well as the 1995 folder to Kalawarner. "Give this to the guys on the paper here. Make sure they understand that this can't be traced back to Japan at all."

"No problem Issei-sama." The blue haired Fallen said with a smirk and small bow as she walked out the door, taking a donut with her.

"Sorry about that." Issei said turning back to the house guests. "I figured it would be best to get that taken care of as soon as possible." He said all this with an honest smile on his face.

It was at this moment that all the devils felt and urge to bow down to him, even the two heiresses. He did what no one would dare to do, while still human! And now he was actually making sure Trump stayed in line, though perhaps him now being a devil had something to do with that. Point is, with this alone, Issei surpassed all of them collectively when it came to contracts. There was no doubt that he would rise in the hierarchy of the Underworld quickly.

 **Okay.**

 **Like I said this was originally going to be part of a joke in later chapters. But hey, strike while the iron is hot. Don't like it? Sue me.**

 **Originally Trump would not have any actual dialogue. Issei would just say stuff over the phone with everyone eavesdropping on him.**

 **Also, I started this the night of the debate itself while checking in on it every now and then on Youtube. Then the news about his Tax Returns being leaked came out and I figured I might as well go with the flow.**

 **As for Issei's contacts, that will be revealed during the actual story itself. But let's just say that the community of perverts is vast, with the perverted duo representing the worst of them**

 **That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!**


	2. Want more?

**So the next presidential debate is tomorrow...who wants more chapters of this?**


	3. Pre Debate 2

**So this was supposed to be a one shot but it got pretty popular. Why am I not surprised? I will say this, if Trump does become president, and he pushes to ban fanfiction on the net forever…I apologize in advance. Or as Alec Baldwin would say on SNL when he plays Trump, "apple-agize"**

 **I would like to point out that this is a bit of a pre-debate chapter. I will start the next chapter while watching/listening to the debate on the web.**

 **I apologize in advance for all the jokes**

 **I do not own the Kamen Rider franchise or High School DXD.**

 **Things such as chants and data on the magic rings were obtained through Kamen Rider wiki, High school DXD wiki, and English translations of High School DxD volumes 1-20. I do however claim ownership to original spell and transformation rings as well as original techniques.**

 **Ignore the timeline. I honestly have no idea what year I should place the events of the series in anyway.**

 **Also, this is cannon to my story. No questions asked.**

"Talking"

'Thinking'

 **Sacred Gear and WizarDriver/Handauthor sounds**

[Ddraig talking]

 **Who released the tapes?**

It was Monday morning in Kuoh, Japan, and Issei was skipping class.

Okay that might be a bit inaccurate. Turns out the school was allowing students to watch the United States second presidential debate live. There would be subtitles and a translator.

"Well congratulations America." Issei said as he and the rest of the devils at school were getting set up. They had their own room with a large screen TV. Since they were all devils, they did not have the same difficulties regarding language. Issei himself was on a couch with a plate of donuts and bottles of soda ready. "You managed to create a sitcom popular enough to be watched on the other side of the world." He chuckled taking sip. Next to him were Asia on his left and Rias on his right. Raynare and Kalawarner were elsewhere ( **AN: I have yet to decide what they will do during their free time but I do have some idea** ).

"You know," Rias began as she took a sip of her tea. "I have to ask, were you the one who leaked the tapes we've been hearing about?" This caused everyone in the room to look at the Rider with curiosity and fear in their eyes. Did her perhaps go further than he let on?"

"Nope." Issei sighed. "I did some asking around. No one really knows yet, at least not from my circle of friends."

"You mean circle of perverts." Saji snickered, making Sona sigh in exasperation. Ever since the incident with the Chimera where Saji embarrassed himself and caused Sona to apologize to Issei for the damage he caused, he had been trying to make himself seem better than his fellow Pawn, or at least embarrass him. So far no real progress. "Besides, you said yourself that you sold the depraved porn to Trump, meaning it was originally yours and you must have enjoyed it." Saji had a large grin on his face as if he had won. The members from his own peerage just shook their heads while Sona let out another sigh. She was about to voice an apology before Issei cut in calmly, unphased by the insults.

"First of all, the pervert community is very, very large." He took a bite of a plain donut. "Probably why Japan has such a low birth rate." He muttered before continuing out loud. "Matsuda and Motohama are pretty much the lowest kind, good at only being a pervert and would totally be fine with rape and stuff if they could get away with it." It was not a surprise how he cut down his former friends, but still a bit unsettling. "I think not having me with them has actually made things worse." The girls did agree that as a pervert, Issei did not support anything along the lines of sexual assault. Heck, there was one time before he disappeared that he thought women should probably rule the world. Then again he did say men have a hard time to say no to them so it's basically a matter of context.

"As for my other friends, I'll have you know they are all functioning perfectly fine." Here Issei had a disapproving tone as he defended his other friends. "Sure some work from home, but none of them are NEETs and all of them make good money doing what they do." Then Issei grinned. "Plus the skills they use for their perversion actually help me and Detective Tachibana out when we need info fast."

"As for the merchandise." Issei did chuckle in an embarrassed manner. "Some of them were mine originally, mainly because there were big tits."

'At least he's honest.' All the girls (bar pure innocent Asia of course) thought with some slight drops of sweat.

"However," Issei held up his hand, "All the darker stuff was definitely stuff that the Perverted Duo left at my place." He smirked and continued. "Since they never took it back I figured there was no need to return it."

No one in the room could say anything. There was nothing they could say to counter his words as they were all the truth and he never did anything wrong. Plus they could not deny the results his friends gave, especially when the news about the leaked Tax Returns reached their ears and Issei responded by calling someone and offered to treat them to a nice sushi place. Saji was steaming at from the ears as he realized that once again, he was seen as the fool.

"Looks like it's almost time." Issei grinned getting everyone's attention. They all took their seats and got their snakes together. Time for the next episode of the Debate Arc.

 **Okay.**

 **Not much but I typed this mainly to get it out of my system. Fun fact, I started typing this today at around 2 PM. It is now 5:30 PM. This took 3 and a half hours. And you all wonder why my longer stories take over a month.**

 **Yes, I have alluded to events that have not yet happened in my main story. Want more then go read that one and follow it.**

 **Again, this is a little banter for before the debate. The post-debate chapter will take at least a week. Honestly it all depends on the material I get. You know how it is.**

 **That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!**


	4. Before the Election

**So I started this a couple of weeks ago, but when I could not finish before debate number 3 I decided to first wait for debate number 3, see what happens, and go from there.**

 **So yeah…**

 **Basically for a while I had no idea how to write this chapter. I mean, with the first debate there was specific mention of Japan and US foreign policy and that became the spark for writing a oneshot. I suggested writing another chapter as a half joke for 2 reasons. One, for everyone who wants to see fanfic be used as a voice for their true feelings. Second, for those who say I am violating rules. Let me tell you something, this stuff has been going on much much longer than the time I've been writing fanfic. Heck, I once found a fanfic for Gate: The SDF fought there (I don't remember the whole damn name) where Trump is president, deported all the Muslims, built a wall, and decided to send American troops in full force to the other world and drive out the SDF forces already there! Just reading the first chapter was scary! Plus, there are fanfics where the characters are in the "real world" and are affected by "real world" events! Honestly, it seems like you guys just joined the site and decided to start policing us with no real authority! I have received actual notifications from the administrators a couple times in the past so don't think your PM's actually scare me.**

 **Not to mention I am 100% certain that the good people of Japan who create anime are aware of what's going on in America and it influences their own work. Who watched Gundam Iron Blooded Orphans while it was running last Spring? I dare you to tell me that you weren't reminded of Trump with a certain fatass entrepreneur. Point is American current events do have influence on the Japanese media.**

 **Now, before anyone asks or complains, Issei will have knowledge of events in America. How you ask? The marvel of the internet and social media is how! After seeing a story about a boy in Elementary school being bullied for being Muslim to the point where he and his family moved out of America…it shocked me to the core. And honestly I can't help but blame Trump. I remember 9/11 people. I may have only been in Elementary school, but I remember those times. I remember how confused my classmates and I were, but nothing like this happened, not even to me, the class weirdo! I mean for crying out loud this kid wanted to become President of the US and now he's leaving! At that age, I was forced to accept that it was impossible for me since I was born in Saudi Arabia despite being a natural born American citizen. When I got into an argument with my classmates at that age, he merely explained that I could not become president, but this kid…I'm sorry I just….look I know they are not actually connected. The bullying incident that was specifically reported was over the fact that he refused to eat food that was not halal, meaning not something he could eat. I mean that's more of a life choice for crying out loud! I mean me, my parents, and my siblings are fine with eating chicken that is not bought from a specific store or is not guaranteed halal, but my Grandmother insists on eating only halal food. It's no different from vegetarians, vegans, or anyone who decides to eat certain foods only.**

 **My point is this, there is more Islamaphobia than ever before, even when 9/11 happened! When I stop to think about it, the one person who is the LOUDEST supporter for fearing and hating Muslims is Donald Trump. I'm not saying he is the sole reason we have problems like this, but I don't think that someone like him, who (as much as I hate to admit it) is a well known face associated with fame and success and riches, should be saying such hateful things. I would say more but I think I'll let my man Issei do the talking for once.**

 **I will say this before getting started. I do have plans before and after the election. Whether or not Trump wins, the final two chapters are set in stone.**

 **I apologize in advance for all the jokes.**

 **I do not own the Kamen Rider franchise or High School DXD.**

 **Things such as chants and data on the magic rings were obtained through Kamen Rider wiki, High school DXD wiki, and English translations of High School DxD volumes 1-20. I do however claim ownership to original spell and transformation rings as well as original techniques.**

 **Ignore the timeline. I honestly have no idea what year I should place the events of the series in anyway.**

 **Also, this is cannon to my story. No questions asked.**

"Talking"

'Thinking'

 **Sacred Gear and WizarDriver/Handauthor sounds**

[Ddraig talking]

 **No More Bullshit**

It had been a bit over a week since the ORC and the STC watched the second debate. Surprisingly, there was not much to say about it, not even from Issei. Then again, unlike with the previous debate, there was not much said directly concerning Japan, and since they were all Devils anyway they would not be as affected by the election results. Issei did say that he considered the real winner to be Carl Becker, the man who asked the two candidates if they had anything since to say about their opponent at the very end of the debate.

However, during the weekend between the second and third debates, Issei was noticeably…grouchy when it came to Trump. His friends feared that perhaps the entrepreneur had said or done something to upset him again. When approached about this, he assured them that wasn't the case. He did say that he heard some news from a friend he made in Texas that bothered him a lot.

Then came the third and final episode of the Presidential Debate Saga. Once again they got special permission to watch it live. Watching it, they could not stop themselves from making faces of disappointment at the behavior of the two candidates, though they did agree that it was more of a debate compared to the previous two. Rias and Sona were especially displeased with Trump's accusations that the election was rigged and his statement that implied he might not accept the results if he lost. By the time the show had ended, everyone was left with mixed feelings. One thing for sure, they were glad to not be part of the shit storm going on and have to vote there.

It was a couple of days later when Issei received a call from the rich candidate himself. At the moment he was at home so only Rias, Asia, Raynare and Kalawarner were there to eavesdrop.

"What can I do for you Donald?" Issei answered mockingly. "It's rare for you to call me, usually it's the other way around."

"Give me all the dirt you got on Hillary." Came the obnoxious and slightly nasal voice of Trump. Thanks to their heightened senses, the girls were able to hear everything the man was saying on the other side. Hearing him make demands of their precious Issei caused all of them to pay more attention to the conversation.

"Really now," Issei sighed. "You think just because you tell me to do something means it's going to happen? Sorry rich boy but the real world does not work like that. I'm surprised you haven't realized that already considering how bad you're doing right now." Issei chuckled, grinning as he could hear the displeased expression on Trump's face.

"Look here you…"

"Oh what are you going to do?" Issei interrupted with glee on his face. "Wait until I insult you more before you actually do anything?"

"Do you have any idea who I am you little shit!" Trump tower exclaimed losing his shit.

"Actually," Issei said as his face and voice went from cheerful bully to serious man. "I have a very good idea of what kind of man you are."

"Then I start showing more respect if I were you, especially to the next President of the most powerful nation on Earth!"

"Like that makes a difference." He replied sitting on his couch again.

"How dare you!"

"A made a friend while I was in Texas." Issei was not going to let Trump say anything during this conversation. "He's a college student in Houston and he's a born American citizen. He's also Muslim, but he's not afraid of you or your policies."

"Well"

"As far as he's concerned, even if you do become president, you won't really get anything done."

"Te…"

"He explained to me how the system of Checks and Balances works over there. While I don't remember all the specifics, I know that you won't get anything done without proper approval from the Legislative Branch and even if you do get something forced through using your underhanded douche bag means,"

"Don't you dare!"

"It would eventually be brought to the Judicial Branch and there you would be overturned. Of course," Issei snickered, "that's assuming anything you do approve or pass does anything in the first place."

"Well guess what, that friend of yours is going to be the first one deported, after paying a hefty fine for trying to defame me!"

"And that's why we both agree you don't deserve to be president." Issei cut in again.

"You're rich and famous. I will admit that. While your behavior and attitude leave a lot to be desired, you name is still associated with money and paparazzi."

"Which is why I can't stand the shit your saying on live television!" Issei slammed his hand down on the table loud enough to Trump to hear on the other end. "You say stuff about Mexicans being criminals, Muslims being terrorists, and all sorts of crap! Do you realize how impressionable kids are? Heck, even teenagers are influenced by your words."

There was recent evidence being Issei's words. Just the other day at school, he overheard the Perverted Duo discussing about how they were going to get rich then use their money and influence to get away with anything, especially, in their words, "doing whatever they want to women cause they have the money." Needless to say Kuoh academy had another excellent day of playing Beat the Perverts Pinata style. This time it was accompanied by the ending song from the anime "Free!" making the two beg for it to stop as their minds were assaulted with images of gay swimmers while getting the shit beat out of them. Funny enough, no one bothered asking Issei what they did this time to earn his wrath.

Back to the phone call.

"You say such hateful words, and kids think that your right. Not because they understand your bullshit, but because they know you're famous enough to be on TV a lot. They don't see you as a presidential candidate but as a cartoon character to be emulated."

"So frankly, Donald Trump," Issei said with the same tone he used when addressing a Phantom that really pissed him off. "I don't give a fuck if you become president or not. You'll end up impeached by my hand or your own, or you'll be a one term president who gets jack shit done. I don't give a fuck!"

"All that matters, is that one of these days, you're going to get yours Trump. I have bigger priorities than some temporary change in leadership."

"How dare you insult America you Japanese…"

"If you actually become a threat, I'll let my sempai take care of you and your ugly makeover." Issei grinned.

"Expect to see us on Inauguration Day, we'll be there to see President Obama off in style. Then like everyone else that day, we'll leave before the next president is sworn in."

With that he once again hung up on the orange skinned man with a relaxed smile on his face. "Glad I got that out of the way." He said as he got up and stretched his limbs. "How about we celebrate with some cheesecake for desert?" All the girls of the house raised their hands in agreement with smiles on their own faces.

 **Okay.**

 **We should have a section on the site solely for the election.**

 **I feel like I had more rage when I started writing this.**

 **I'm going to go ahead and say this now. Yes, I am the friend in Texas he referred to. Who doesn't want to befriend characters they enjoy! Let me live out my fantasy!**

 **Expect one last chapter where Trump tries to silence Issei but pays for it dearly. Will feature a certain American jackass from the anime Jormungand and will happen regardless of the outcome of the election.**

 **Also, there will be a separate entry for Inauguration Day where the Kamen Rider's say goodbye to President Barack Hussein Obama.**

 **That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!**


	5. Don't Fuck with Me Trump

**My anger and frustration, mixed with disbelief at the bullshit he is pulling**

 **Sure he will get away with a certain amount of shit, but his more racist actions will be stopped one way or the other. Besides, if he tries to get Muslims kicked out, he is going to have to come all the way over to my house personally and drag me out with his tiny hands. Not even his Russian friends can get me to leave my country. And they will also be mentioned here. Heck, in the main fanfic, Chernobyl is going to be a pretty pig plot point.**

 **I am confident we can get through this without letting America fall completely to ruins. If anything, he'll be such a terrible president, America will remember for decades how bad of a president he was and will vote to not keep another "Trump" out of office. So basically, he is going to set the bar for terrible presidency. Not exactly something to be proud of but hey we can get through this.**

 **Besides, not only is this a sign of where America is going, but we brought this on ourselves when we let Clinton become the Democratic Nominee. It's not like she was honest and free of dirt. While yeah Trump is a bigger douche, he still had more charisma. Plus, when your only choices are voting for Douche or a Turd Sandwich, it's no surprise that many decided to not vote at all. We've made our bed and now we have to sleep in it, even if it is infested with bugs that have ugly hair and smell like they take golden showers every day.**

 **Now, have I ever implied that Issei himself cared either way about Trump becoming president or not? No, he even said so in the last chapter. The only reason he released the tax forms was because Trump insulted his parents and the only reason he was on the phone with him in the original oneshot was because Trump said he would force Japan to pay for something or other. Basically, Issei's main concern regarding Trump and his presidency is how it affects Japan. Plus, the Kamen Rider's aren't going to let Trump know about them and organizations like Foundation X and Shocker. No way are they going to let him know about the stuff they do.**

 **Also, at this point Issei knows Gabriel's true identity, but that event is for the main story.**

 **I apologize in advance for all the jokes.**

 **I do not own the Kamen Rider franchise or High School DXD.**

 **Things such as chants and data on the magic rings were obtained through Kamen Rider wiki, High school DXD wiki, and English translations of High School DxD volumes 1-20. I do however claim ownership to original spell and transformation rings as well as original techniques.**

 **Scarecrow is a character from Jormungand**

 **Ignore the timeline. I honestly have no idea what year I should place the events of the series in anyway.**

 **Also, this is cannon to my story. No questions asked.**

"Talking"

'Thinking'

 **Sacred Gear and WizarDriver/Handauthor sounds**

[Ddraig talking]

 **Last Warning Trump**

Issei was not exactly having the best week. The Phantom of the week had been especially annoying, made worse by the target Gate being very uncooperative and outright rude. It was those sort of people that made him question his job. On top of his Rider duties, his Devil contracts were not a walk in the park. Long story short, he needed a break from everything and everyone else.

Which is why he was now at _Heavens Wheel_ having an excellent lunch of steak with special secret sauce and a side of mashed potatoes and soda for the drink. After cleaning up his plate, he got to work on his second refill.

"I see you really enjoyed that meal." Gabriel teased as she approached Issei's table.

"Don't I always?" he grinned at her. Before either of them could say another word, the shopkeeper's bell rang getting the attention of Gabriel. When she saw who the new customer was she frowned, getting Issei's attention. He nearly spat out his drink when he saw who it was and realized they were coming to his table.

The man was definitely American. One could even say he looked like the stereotypical image of an American punk with his blonde hair and cocky smirk on a face that looked like he was always looking down on people. There were actual stretch marks around his mouth that made it seem like he was always smirking, even when angry. Issei remembered it well , having commented on it after Haruto had taken down this man who was supposedly a fully trained CIA operative without so much as a scratch.

"Did the CIA's Scarecrow come looking for payback?" Issei said casually, keeping his grin in check as he noticed the tick mark on the operative's forehead. As much as he would have loved to continue openly making fun of him, his presence was concerning. And not in the "something international is happening and we need your help so we decided to send someone who pisses you off to fetch you" but rather "this guy is up to something and is going to try to lock me up with whatever means necessary" kind of concern.

"That was just a fluke." The man growled as he sat down across from Issei. The teen looked to Gabriel, wondering why she wasn't doing anything. She caught his look and nudged her head to some of the other tables. Looking in that direction, Issei took notice of the customers. It took him a few seconds for him to realize that many of them were not regulars. In fact some of them were trying too hard to look like they belonged (i.e. single guys who come mainly for the waitresses) and others were just wearing clothes that hid their figures as much as possible. And all of them had backpacks or duffel bags.

"Get out of here woman." The American's grating voice said getting Issei's attention again as he realized it was directed at Gabriel. "I need to have a talk with this kid here."

"Right, talk." Issei snorted. "Like you said just wanted to 'talk' with sensei before you tried to taser him."

"What can I say?" The blonde smirked. "Better to have freaks like you locked up or dead instead of roaming free and working for the Japs." As he said this he put his feet on the table, deliberately ignoring Gabriel's intense look of disapproval. His words made Issei want to sigh. They made it very clear that as Rider's, they did not put Japan over the rest of the world. Regarding their personal lives, that was another matter but they would never use their powers to affect the everyday lives of others.

"Is that why you're here?" Issei asked mocking distress. "Even after all the help we gave in keeping New York City from becoming a nest of monsters?"

"The only monster I see is you." was the snarled response he got.

"Given what I've just heard I'd say it's best for me to stay for Issei's sake." Gabriel interjected getting both boys' attention. "Both as a family and a personal friend."

"Look here you bimbo," the American began, annoying Issei as well as other employees within hearing range. "You'd be smart to not piss me off. I'm going to get a major promotion once I'm finished with this punk so unless you want to be added to Trump's list of girls you'd better do what I tell you." The moment he finished talking, the temperature in the room went down several degrees.

"I'm sorry Scarecrow, but could you clarify that for me?" Issei said gripping his glass so hard it started to crack. Even Gabriel was giving the agent a cold glare while still smiling which actually made it scarier especially to those who were used to her happy face. Yet the CIA agent was too dumb to get the hint.

"Well President Trump is eager to get to work showing off America's guns to the world." He began, already choosing to call the man "President" rather than "President-elect". "But then there's the issue of smart-asses like you who have the nerve to threaten the good man."

"He groped a girl who was competing in his pageant and threatened to have her kicked out and potentially ruin her chances of ever getting a job if she said anything." Issei shot back with venom in his voice. "And he's the one who actually threatened me first."

"I don't care what kind of lies you dug up." Scarecrow said with a wave of his hand. "What I do care about is dragging you and everything you have back to the States. That includes all your blackmail and all your money. Once I hand that over to Mr. President, I'll get a 40% of the loot while the rest goes to the Trump fortune."

"So you plan to arrest me, but instead of confiscating my assets of giving them to the CIA or whatever the proper procedure is, you're going to split them between yourself and the President, who legally should not be making any personal gains." Issei clarified with a look of disbelief. Of course the arrogant American was ignoring him once again.

"We did a bit of recon first and when we saw you hanging with some lovely girls, we decided to go ahead with the President's second order." The blonde leaned forward here. "Take any girl you're close to, and bring them to him." Issei could see the gaps between his teeth as he sneered.

"Didn't realize that old man was so desperate for young women he needs the CIA to kidnap them." Issei shot back coldly as more cracks started to form on his glass.

"Oh please. Once we bring them over, he'll just wow them with his money and they'll forget all about you." The American scoffed. "And if that doesn't work, the man will just use his influence to make them obedient." Another smirk. "Just like what we're going to do to you." The man stood up now as one of his hands went towards his waist, no doubt reaching for a concealed weapon.

"So we do this the easy way or the hard way. The only difference being we won't start beating you up until we're in the air, so I don't mind either way."

Out of the corner of his eyes, Issei could see the other out of place customers, obviously agents ready to take action, reach into their backpacks and duffel bags with some opening their jackets and reaching in. Thanks to his heightened senses, he could hear some of them getting ready to jump out of their seats. Before anything else could be said or done, however, Gabriel interjected.

"I was under the impression the CIA had professionals." She said, almost laughing at Scarecrow and the other agents. "Yet here you are talking about illegal and inhumane acts in such a public place right in front of a witness with many more to watch it all happen." She then turned to look at all the agents, with pity in her eyes. "Most likely that ad excuse of a President could only get the lowest of the low to do such a terrible act." The disguised agents were clearly unnerved, but Scarecrow still had the balls to talk back.

"As far as I'm concerned you're no witness, but someone who's coming along for the one-way trip to serving America." he actually pulled out his gun and waved it in front of her face. "So how about you be a good bitch and shut up. I'd hate to damage the goods." The man's smirk went from confidence to agitation when he realized that neither Issei nor Gabriel were panicking at the sight of his weapon, they didn't even look concerned. In fact, he realized as he looked around the restaurant, none of the staff look that concerned, and some of the normal customers looked amused at the sight of someone waving a gun in front of the owner.

"It'll be hard to deny what happens today when there's video evidence." Gabriel responded making the American sweat for the first time. Before he could open his mouth as he looked around for cameras, she continued. "In addition to the standard security cameras, I installed a micro camera at each table. After all it helps to keep an eye on any unwelcome individuals who come only to harass my staff and customers." Her smile got wider. "Usually the data is automatically deleted after a week, but I can always save specific files." She grabbed the gun in the man's hand and crushed the barrel, shocking the Americans. "Rather than go to the police I give them a personal reminder the next time they show up. Either they behave themselves or they stay out." She ripped the gun out of Scarecrow's hands. "And if they don't get the message…" she smiled, "we kick them out the door personally."

With that she bitch slapped him so hard his teeth were dislodged. Before the other agents could pull out their weapons, they were incapacitated with hot coffee, tea, soup, and even hot plates that hamburgers steaks were served on courtesy of the waiters and waitresses of _Heaven's Wheel_. One man managed to avoid being burned thanks to his clothing and was about to aim his gun only for a knife to come flying out of the kitchen with enough force to cut through his hand and pin him to the wall. Little known fact, the head chef was actually an angel who worked for Gabriel.

"You know," Issei spoke as he got out of his seat. At the same time two of the waiters came up and forced Scarecrow to stand and face the teen. "I have a special punishment in mind just for extreme douchebags like you and your men." Issei leaned in and grinned in his face. "You're going to wish you never came to Japan." He was tempted to laugh manically at the sight of the blonde's ruined face with tears, snot, and blood flowing down, but decided not to out of respect for Gabriel. He decided to save it for when he met with Trump face to face.

 **Fast forward to a week later…**

"Which is why your men are now in my basement being forced to watch and listen to and endless marathon of _Yuri on Ice, Free!, Hetalia Axis,_ and worst of all _Boku no Pico_." Issei explained to the President while laughing. He was sitting in the chair in the Oval Office while Donald Trump was forced to sit on the couch with a giant spear of light at his throat held by Gabriel herself.

"Once I get back there I'm gonna let the girls at school have fun with them. We'll call it 'Beat the Perverts of America!'. They are just going to love it!"

"I'm gonna get the both of you!" yelled the President until her felt the spear burn a hole in his suit.

"Wrong response Donald Duck." Issei said getting out of the chair and walking to the other side of the desk. "Here is what will happen."

"First, out of your own pocket you'll pay for the damages down to Gabriel's restaurant."

"Two, you are going to get your men your men out of Japan when your Secretary of Defense pays us a visit."

"Finally, you are going to promise to never try to tell me what to do through any method whatsoever. That includes threatening my friends, family, or even Japan itself."

"And to make sure you stay good to your word…" Gabriel interjected as she pulled out a Bible, "you are going to swear on the Holy book in front of me."

"That way when you do break it no one will have any objections with me breaking your face. Now put your hand on the book so we can get this over with.

"Fuck you." The wannabe president snarled.

"Excuse me?" Issei chuckled.

"I'm not making deals with any fucking terrorists and I'm certainly not going to lie on the Bible."

"I fail to see the issue." Gabriel sighed. "We are clearly not terrorists and quite frankly if we wanted to you could have been destroyed ages ago. As for that last bit…" Gabriel actually giggled, "you didn't mind doing it when you were inaugurated."

"You fucking bitch!" Donald growled, almost getting up from the couch but was stopped when the spear burned his already deformed skin.

"Looks like it will take some effort to make this quack agree." Issei said cracking his neck.

 **Moments later…**

"Glad that's over with." Issei said to Gabriel as they walked out of the Oval Office. "We should probably get some souvenirs, especially sisnce everyone back home will want something from this trip."

"Agreed." Gabriel replied with a smile on her face. The two walked along without a care, ignoring everyone who looked at them incredulously. Some tried to approach, but with one look they were either so scared they could not move or hypnotized into sleeping while standing up. Guess who did what.

If someone had walked into the Oval Office at that moment, they would have been shocked by what they saw. Unfortunately, they would not be able to tell of it later, as they would forget it soon after. To this day only 3 individuals know what went down, and it will stay like that for a long time.

 **Okay.**

 **I acknowledge that I might have messed up regarding Scarecrow's character. I know he doesn't take all the money he gets from criminals for himself, but that is a large part of his character.**

 **I originally had Issei beat up Scarecrow with ORA ORA ORA to the Startdust Crusaders soundtrack (that actually is the name of the soundtrack). But for some reason the laptop restarted and I lost that scene. And I was too tired to type it all back up. Want it, PM me and I'll put in in a separate file and use that.**

 **Keep in mind this is only semi cannon. I won't be referring to this side story in my main fic. I was originally going to make references to some events that I have planned but that got too complicated and I really wanted to get this done ASAP.**

 **That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!**


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